THURSDAY April 26, 2001

Got a little scary call today, Tad.  Doctor Newman called about Mom's blood test and it kind of freaked us out. You see, as mentioned earlier, Mom and I are a little old to be having Tads. When women have tadpoles when they are our age, it makes it a little more challenging for God to put everything in the right place. It's kind of like a working with antiques. You know, you sort of have to be careful the way you handle everything.

Anyway, the Doctor called and said that you looked great on the spinal portion of the test, but there was a SLIGHT possibility that there was a problem in your chromosome portion. In other words: There was the possibility (though slight) of Down Syndrome.  Well, as you can imagine, this has scared the shit out of Mom and me.

It is a very difficult situation that your mother is currently in. You see, she's an extremely methodical person. Your mother prides herself on being in control and planning out each and every situation that she is in. She leaves absolutely nothing to chance. Well, when God is gracing you with a child, things are not in your hands. They are in God's hands and, no disrespect to the "Big Guy," Mom doesn't like to pass off control to anyone.  This is the kind of situation that Mom is just not comfortable with.

The doctor told us that there is a one in 200 chance that you have Down Syndrome. Of course if this were a football game or anything else I could bet on, I would take those odds in a second. However, this is you Tad. This is my child and we are scared.  Real scared. Of course, I've been telling Mom not to worry that everything will be okay, but I have the sickest feeling in my stomach.  I'm so frightened for you. 

We are going for a more detailed sonogram in a week and that test (WHEN it shows that everything is okay) will reduce the chance of a chromosome problem by 50%. Therefore, when that is completed, there will be only a one in 400 chance that there is a problem.  I love you Tad!  Please, God, make everything okay.

THURSDAY April 26, 2001

Wow, two notes in one day; Dad is starting to spoil you already. Hey little guy/girl, I just wanted to tell you how much we love you and no matter what happens everything will be okay.  You be strong.

FRIDAY April 27, 2001

What a night Tad.  Mom and I really had a rough one. We had your cousins over for dinner and really did our best to put on a happy face, but it was really difficult. Your Mom and I are pretty frightened.

When everyone left, we cleaned up and settled in for a well-deserved sleep. I was lying there praying to God that everything will be okay with you when I heard your mother sniffling. She didn't know I was awake and I didn't know she was awake but we both were.  She was crying because she is so scared about you and your health. I know, when you think of the odds it seems stupid--but it’s you. It’s our Tad, and we aren't thinking rationally. We want to hear that there is no chance of anything being wrong and, frankly, that just isn't possible.

So I held your Mother in my arms and told her how I guarantee that everything is fine. I told her confidently that I absolutely promise that you are going to be a healthy, happy baby.  As I mentioned earlier, this is how I handle those situations with your mother. She finally started to settle down and told me how she knew I was right and someday we would look back on this and think how silly we were. Then when she started to fall asleep, I kissed her again, told her how much I loved her and rolled over to cry myself to sleep. I couldn't let her know that I too am frightened beyond belief.

Today, however, we got some good news.  Mom was speaking to the nurse in the doctor's office, and while she was scheduling our next photo-shoot with you, they began discussing the test results. The nurse told her how common Mom's results were and how in the four years that she has worked there only one child had been born with Down Syndrome.  As you can imagine, that really helped Mom and me.

I know Tad this is really silly how Mom and I are reacting.  I guess you should probably just get used to us overacting when it comes to you and your health.  We love you more than you can image. 

Now grow like a weed, you little shit, and I'll see you soon!