Let me just say to all the married ladies, be glad you are not out there on the proverbial "dating scene." I am 31, independent, never married, out there trying to have it all--and it's not easy! 

A couple of months ago while in the middle one of my sporadic supermarket expeditions, I managed to strike up a conversation with a man. I have to tell you, I'm a foreigner living in a part of an Asian country that doesn't have many foreigners living there. I'm also the type of "people person" that those who are not, duck and hide from. 

When I see a foreigner who looks alone and confused, I like to say "Hi " and show them they are, indeed, not alone in this world. Which is exactly what happened with this guy. Surprisingly, he responded in kind, and we ended up standing there in the middle of the dairy aisle talking for well over 45 minutes.

Being the modern people that we were, we exchanged e-mails and promised to keep in touch. I was also surprised, if not wary, when he kept his promise. I say wary because all those horrific stories that my mother, who past away over seven years ago, told me about foolish women who talked to strange men and were never heard from again, came rushing back. But he seemed quite ordinary.

I know, Ted Bundy seemed ordinary too, but it's that kind of thinking that helped to keep me dateless for the last three years, or so I rationalized. However, it seemed as though I was left off my ambivalent hook. My second
email from him informed me that he was out of the country on business, and he wasn't sure when he would be back. 

"Well", I thought, "That's that." One month later, I received another email from him saying he was back in town and would I perhaps, be interested in going out to dinner? Crap. What to do? Should I go with my instincts and blow him off or should I ignore my gut, which up until now has served me fairly well, and accept?

Heck, I put in 10 hour days, five days a week, at my job. Most of that time is spent handling screaming kindergartners. The rest of the day is with children up to 15 years of age and let me tell you, it ain't a pretty sight at the end of that 10 hour day. Everyday more bags seem to appear under my eyes. At least every other day a English-challenged child says while pointing to my head, "Teacher! Hair is white!"  (It's not. Nice 'n Easy Tawny Auburn takes care of that, but some of the wily little grays manage to escape.) 

You know what? I know the modern self-confidence guru's chant "self-esteem
comes from inside not from other people's opinions," yada, yada, yada. But something in me just wanted to reaffirm that I am attractive to the opposite sex. It was that part of me that remembered what it was like to have a 19-year-old body and feel good enough to conquer the world; if not today then tomorrow for sure. 

So I accepted. The evening of the date started off very well . After days of careful consideration and input from friends, I was ready. I had, the right outfit, the right makeup, and the right hair. I must confess, that night I felt confident that I looked good. By the appreciative glances from the men on the street as I made my way to our prearranged meeting place, I knew my confidence wasn't misplaced. I am, by no means, a bombshell and far from gorgeous but, darn it, I looked good that night, and it felt good to know it--after not feeling that way for so long. 

He arrived on time (a definite plus), and off we went. The restaurant he had chosen really was charming, and I had a pleasant time getting to know him a little better. The conversation flowed unhindered, and at least he didn't have any bad eating habits or wasn't an ego maniac who talked about himself constantly. I have to admit I wasn't overly attracted to him, though I found him appealing, or I wouldn't have said yes. 

Okay maybe I said yes because of the previously stated reasons. Maybe it was, the fact that every time I call home, my Dad, and happily married sister and brother keep asking me if I found a boyfriend yet. Or perhaps it was my Grandmother's latest comment that, "Well, girls just aren't getting married as young as they used to in my day." As if to reassure herself that her granddaughter isn't as odd as she seems. No, it was definitely my latest adventure out with some of my married friends that pushed me to say "yes" when I usually would not have. Over cocktails, I realized that some of the couples had gotten together on New Year's Eve, and I hadn't been invited, because I wasn't--a couple, that is. More than likely, it was the culmination of these factors. 

For me, attraction is a package deal. It isn't just looks, although I'm honest enough to say that it's important. But It's also how he conducts himself, his sense of humor, and intelligence that makes a man attractive to me. I can now say, with the benefit of some years behind me, the kind of animal magnetism attraction,  though heady, can be distracting from discovering who that other person really is. That's why I wasn't concerned that I wasn't feeling that way towards him. 

I also consider myself an old fashioned gal. I do not sleep around. Before anything happens, I have to know the guy. If a guy is expecting to sleep with me on the first date, he will be disappointed. Unless he is someone I know already, I don't trust him. Trust is a key factor for me, when adding up the relationship equation. He can look good and talk good, but until I know he's a decent sort, I'm not laying myself on the line for emotional trauma. Been there, done that, trying desperately not to go there again! 

I'm not stupid, I knew he was at least gonna try, he is a guy after all. But I had no idea he was gonna try as soon as we got in the car when leaving the restaurant! Sorry, buddy, not this girl. Do you want to know what his
reaction was? "My friends told me that American girls were like that." I didn't have to ask what he meant by "like that." I knew he meant American women weren't easy. (Well, chalk one up for American women!) I told him that not all "American women" believed the way I do and conducted themselves in different manners, but that wasn't the way I was raised or behaved. He said his nationality's women weren't like that but he would respect my culture and ideals. 

I'm not going to insult his nationality's women by telling you here which nationality he had. However, let me share what one of my friends said when I was regaling them with my latest escapade on the singles scene, "Since when is not being cheap and easy an American thing?" Yeah anyway, since when? Hmm? Unbelievable! I figure most guys make a lot, if not every decision, with the little general south of the belt line. I, at least, like to delude myself that some men would like to get to know me and like me before trying anything. 

I told him, "That's just not who I am, I have to know the guy a little better before anything happens." Thankfully, he didn't fight me and proceeded to drive me home; however, his parting shot sealed his fate for any possible future dates, "So how many dinner's out will it take?" I got out and slammed the door. I think he realized that meant "None!" 

Are my standards and expectations high? Perhaps, but I won't compromise them. That isn't who I am either. You know what? My life is good right now. (I really do love those screaming kindergartners!) It will have to take someone special to woo me to his side and change anything in my life. He will have to have at least some of the qualities I adore, and, okay, perhaps a little animal magnetism. This guy wasn't him. But, I know he's out there--somewhere.

Author's Biography

I am currently living in South Korea, teaching English to children whose ages range from 3 years old all the way up to 15. 

I love to travel and have recently returned from a trip to Thailand. I am now planning a trip to Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos, and afterwards I am going home to the United
States where I was born and raised. 

In addition to traveling, I love reading and, of course, writing.

E-mail Dawn at zeph319@hotmail.com

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