November 2003 Issue - Essay # 6
The
Change
By Carla R.
Herrera
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I
last bled in April of 2002. What this means is, I'm now menopausal.
It’s been one year and I'll never have to worry about menses again.
Instead, I think about osteoporosis, heart disease, cancer and the other
maladies that come with age -- there are several. I try to avert these
seemingly inevitable maladies with a handful of vitamins every morning.
I don’t want to get old. It’s
more than the physical self that suffers through menopause. We’ve all
heard the story about someone’s aunt, twice removed, who went off the
deep end because she was taking the wrong hormones. There’s much more
to it. Approaching menopause is a constant reminder that I'm aging.
It’s a reminder that wrinkles, feebleness, dependency upon others,
doctors, medicines and time is catching up with me. It means I'm winding
down. The problem with this perspective is, I know it’s untrue. It’s
more feeling than thought. I temper my fear of aging with bouts of
childishness -- indulging in fast food and an occasional cartoon. Logic
and information from the medical community tell me, we live longer,
healthier lives. If we take care of ourselves, we can mature with
dignity. But I'm not aging I tell myself. I’m too young to worry about
this stuff. I
hit forty in December of 2002 and knew I was on my way to being
menopausal. I’ve stepped through the door to mid-life, but don’t
feel aged. I feel young -- youthful even. I look in the mirror every
morning and don’t see the wise, old crone I'm supposed to have become.
Instead, there’s a young, vibrant forty-year-old who is still trying
to figure it all out. Wisdom hasn’t come with age and I'm at the tail
end of a generation who wants it all. I
believe baby boomers have brought in a new paradigm for aging.
Perspectives are changing about the process and we’re living longer.
Some in their late forties and early fifties are starting over; taking
on the responsibilities of new families and in some cases having
children for the first time. Middle age, is no longer middle age. It’s
taken on new dimensions that are sometimes hard to define. The
metaphorical line between youth and age has been pushed up a notch and I
like that. We may not, as of yet, have tapped into the Fountain of
Youth, but today, I have choices that weren’t possible fifty years
ago. There are countless surgical procedures to keep me from looking
older: Bo toxin injections for wrinkles, liposuction for excess flab,
face and breast lifts -- and I can participate in one of the many
therapies to curb the effects of menopause. Having
these choices available may do nothing for me, in the way of, changing
my psychology of the aging process; but, I think they provide me with a
safety net -- one of those ‘just in case’ scenarios. Just in case I
start developing too many wrinkles around my eyes; or, just in case I
start looking too old. Not that I would every use any of them. That’s
the thing -- the idea I have a choice in the aging process. To know that
if I needed to, I could reverse it just a little -- even if it is
superficial, enables me to feel as if I have some control of my life.
That my body isn’t a traitor and I have the ability to age the way I
want to. I
read an article recently that suggested the symptoms of menopause in
Western culture may be a result of perspective. That hot flashes,
moodiness and hormonal imbalances may be caused by our perception of the
female aging process. The study, conducted by Yewoubdar Beyene, in
‘From Menarche to Menopause’ was of the Mayan culture. According to
Beyene, Mayan women experience no menopausal symptoms’ besides the
obvious, cessation of the menses. In fact, Mayan women seem to welcome
the onset of menopause, “...and associate this stage with being young
and free.” (Beyene, 121). I
understand the perspective, to some degree. My children are grown with
children of their own -- and no longer need me to care for them.
Maternal advice and love occasionally, but I'm on my own and have the
opportunity to do what I want -- when I want to do it. So, maybe getting
older isn’t so bad. Maybe being menopausal isn’t the crises I've
been led to believe it is. Maybe I would do well to embrace some new
ideas about aging. I
don’t know how well the suggestion , that menopausal symptoms are all
in our heads, would go over with the women I talk to. In fact, I think I
may get some negative feedback if I approached the idea. There’s a
suggestion here, that there’s something innately wrong with the way
she thinks. If it’s all a matter of perspective, all one would have to
do is change the way she thinks about it. The idea that psychology
dictates physiology has been around for some time. It may work, but try
telling that to a woman going through menopause. Hot flashes, night
sweats and myriad other symptoms are physical and brought about by
hormonal changes in our systems. It may be a natural occurring process,
but it doesn’t feel that way. Most of us feel alien to this
transformation and it may take some serious work convincing us that our
psychology is the cause of it. |
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Author's Biography My
publishing career began in 1989 at The Impact, a weekly newspaper in
Stockton, California. I have also worked at several Hispanic
publications including: La Tribuna, English language editor; La Nacion,
typesetting/Eng. editor; El Foro, Executive Editor. I
currently reside in Springdale, Arkansas, but am a California native. I
prefer to write personal essays and opinion pieces. If you would like
more samples of my writing, you can go to: www.geocities.com/publishver/WScontents.html?1066935427390
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