I
am thinking about Texas
as I sit here in the cool October night. I do that
often, being a native. It's hard not to these days. You see, there's
been such an influx of patriotism. I am having trouble grasping it. No,
I don't hate America. I love it. I'm still here, after all. I'm proud of
being an American, but I have trouble identifying.
America
is an idea for me. A conglomerate of peoples and
cultures, faces on the news. America
is hope, optimism, symbolic. I can understand that
but, honestly, my true patriotism is for Texas. For me
Texas
is not some distant idea, some vague place that
exists only in grammar school geography books. Texas
is real, a place that I know intimately. It is a
place that I have fallen in love with, and though I was born here it is
my adult location by choice.
I
have been to many other places. Oregon
was cool and verdant with misty mountains and the
smell of pine trees in my grandmother's back yard. I still weep when I
remember the first time I saw the snow there. Mexico
was poor, dry, rural. It was a lesson that I am not
soon to forget. Oklahoma
was folksy and wonderfully green. Kansas
was flat and perhaps the ugliest place I've ever
seen. Colorado
and New Mexico
converge in my memory: places of red strata earth,
cool mornings, and again those beautiful mountains.
I
am not what one would call a seasoned traveler, but I have seen enough
to know where my heart lies and why--Texas. To those not from here it inspires images of
cattle, open fields, wide spaces, cowboy hats, and good chili. Yes, we
have that but there's something more. We are a place of mingled southern
and southwestern. I am the archetypical southerner; one generation out
of the trailer park, but I have something more.
My
days are dominated by skies so blue they make your heart ache and puffy
white clouds. We have oceans--plains--, scrub and searing heat. My home
is ugly under the stormy gray skies of winter and spring, but spring is
lovelier than the face of the Madonna and summer is, with its heat and
drought, a thing unique unto us. It is beautiful, terrible, depressing,
uplifting. The scenery carries all the moods of an amazing woman; but
can I write this without mentioning the food this amazing woman cooks?
Chicken
fried steak, jalapenos, chili (without beans, of course), fried pies,
fried potatoes, lots of beef, good strong coffee, and spicy Tex-Mex. I'm
a hefty girl as is and just thinking of this cuisine makes my mouth
water and my eyes roll back in my head. (Musical Interlude: Heaven, I'm
in heaven...). Of course, It's not all so countrified. We are
cosmopolitan here. I eat bagels and cream cheese, cheesecake, and there
are Starbucks in every shopping center. My husband eats Thai, and I
enjoy Italian. Cuisine here is a good mix of
grandmother's-kitchen-nostalgia and international cuisine.
I
must sound like I'm writing a travel brochure, but I would not recommend
visiting to anyone. Why?
Texas
grows on you. It is not love at first sight. Most
first-timers exclaim how barren and dry it looks, or how flat the plains
look from a plane. True, but I can say this, Texas
is its own country. In every sense of the word. Texas
is tangible and beautiful for this little country
gal. A Texan is my identity and something which I can take pride in.
American is only a secondary label, like my middle name, a distant name
that once belonged to someone I have never met. But this state is my
first name, gifted by my mother and used for years. Yes, I am proud.
And
this way I understand patriotism.